smozoma open letter to his forwards: you guys are morons.

[smozoma]

Every game. I make one-timer passes. You guys do moronic things to screw it up.

Last season, I led the league in one-timer attempts, with 6.36 attempts per game, and was 5th in one-timer goals, with 1.5 per game.

This season, I am struggling to do 4 one-timers per game and am only scoring 1 one-timer goal per game (which is miraculous, actually, considering).

Let me count the ways you screw it up, Reichel, Juneau, and Dineen.

1. Where is everyone? Seriously guys. You will NOT score goals from the boards along the goal line. I am looking at you, Dineen. Quit hanging out over there! Yes, I see you occasionally over there by the post... but there is a guy practically sitting on you at those times. Get open (and not by the boards!)
   
2. "Gimme the pass! ... Nevermind, I don't actually want it!." Juneau, if you're actually going to go for the net for once, how about making an attempt to get the pass as it goes through you skates?
   
3. "Holy #$^@, a puck!" YES, it's a PUCK, Reichel, and I hired you to shoot it!! Shoot it, don't just stare at it like you've never touched one before! Slap it with your stick! You won't hurt it! GAWD, MAN!
   
4. You can not score a one-timer from the behind the net, Juneau. Please do not skate past the net on a one-timer pass. This is the one case where I don't mind if you don't shoot the puck, but you always do shoot it, sending it rattling around the boards, giving the opponent a breakaway. Nice work.
   
5. The bouncer. Good work there, Stonehands McReichel. Do you remember that scene in the Mighty Ducks movie where they pass eggs across the ice? These guys have gone through a lot of eggs in practice, but to no avail.
   
6. Who the hell were you passing to? Dineen, there was a guy actually in one-timer position, but you passed it to Patrick Roy. I know he's our best player, but he's the GOALiE!
   
7. "I can skate faster than the puck!" Yes, apparently you can, Dineen. It's true, I hired you for your speed (certainly not your brains), but you are supposed to outskate your opponents, not the puck. I pass it to him, and Dineen (well, all of them do this with some frequency) gets the star under him, and instead of receiving the pass and shooting it, he starts skating in the direction I am trying to tell him to shoot in, (typically the same direction the puck is going), so he skates over to his favourite position over by the boards at the goal line.
   

But, this attached video clip really just sums up your idiocy, dear team. On the plus side, Dineen made a decent pass. Juneau.. Reichel.. I just don't know what to do with you guys.

(video is an AVI in a zip. You will need divx to play it. if you don't have divx, then the savestate file is in there, too).

non_one_timer.zip

[Scribe99]

Every game. I make one-timer passes. You guys do moronic things to screw it up.

Last season, I led the league in one-timer attempts, with 6.36 attempts per game, and was 5th in one-timer goals, with 1.5 per game.

This season, I am struggling to do 4 one-timers per game and am only scoring 1 one-timer goal per game (which is miraculous, actually, considering).

Let me count the ways you screw it up, Reichel, Juneau, and Dineen.

1. Where is everyone? Seriously guys. You will NOT score goals from the boards along the goal line. I am looking at you, Dineen. Quit hanging out over there! Yes, I see you occasionally over there by the post... but there is a guy practically sitting on you at those times. Get open (and not by the boards!)
   
2. "Gimme the pass! ... Nevermind, I don't actually want it!." Juneau, if you're actually going to go for the net for once, how about making an attempt to get the pass as it goes through you skates?
   
3. "Holy #$^@, a puck!" YES, it's a PUCK, Reichel, and I hired you to shoot it!! Shoot it, don't just stare at it like you've never touched one before! Slap it with your stick! You won't hurt it! GAWD, MAN!
   
4. You can not score a one-timer from the behind the net, Juneau. Please do not skate past the net on a one-timer pass. This is the one case where I don't mind if you don't shoot the puck, but you always do shoot it, sending it rattling around the boards, giving the opponent a breakaway. Nice work.
   
5. The bouncer. Good work there, Stonehands McReichel. Do you remember that scene in the Mighty Ducks movie where they pass eggs across the ice? These guys have gone through a lot of eggs in practice, but to no avail.
   
6. Who the hell were you passing to? Dineen, there was a guy actually in one-timer position, but you passed it to Patrick Roy. I know he's our best player, but he's the GOALiE!
   
7. "I can skate faster than the puck!" Yes, apparently you can, Dineen. It's true, I hired you for your speed (certainly not your brains), but you are supposed to outskate your opponents, not the puck. I pass it to him, and Dineen (well, all of them do this with some frequency) gets the star under him, and instead of receiving the pass and shooting it, he starts skating in the direction I am trying to tell him to shoot in, (typically the same direction the puck is going), so he skates over to his favourite position over by the boards at the goal line.
   

But, this attached video clip really just sums up your idiocy, dear team. On the plus side, Dineen made a decent pass. Juneau.. Reichel.. I just don't know what to do with you guys.

(video is an AVI in a zip. You will need divx to play it. if you don't have divx, then the savestate file is in there, too).

I love Reichel but after playing with Juneau last year, I refuse to draft Juneau ever again. Both of them make good centers, but as wings you might struggle. At least I did with Juneau at RW.

[angryjay93]

sounds like someone needs to play my pathetic islanders defence again.

[SSiG]

I feel your pain smozoma. My guys never pass well at all. I own the worst passing % in GDL history

I've wanted to strangle Bellows or Fedorov several times when they had a potential one-timer pass to Neely go wide...or right into the waiting stick of a defenseman. Their rink vision is very bad. I prescribed huge glasses for Fedorov, but he won't wear them. As for Bellows, he's hopeless, so he just rides the pine in favor of GDL's best #4 forward, Darren Turcotte

[smozoma]

I love Reichel but after playing with Juneau last year, I refuse to draft Juneau ever again. Both of them make good centers, but as wings you might struggle. At least I did with Juneau at RW.

I switch them up at C. Juneau is great at C when he's on Boston, but he's not doing much on my team for some reason :/

[smozoma]

sounds like someone needs to play my pathetic islanders defence again.

I've actually averaged over 5 goals per game lately (surely won't last), but the number of wasted chances is just driving me bonkers

[Logan]

While we're doing open letters..

Dear Dino Ciccarelli,

Now, I picked you because of your fantastic shot power and shot accuracy. Now, a mistake here and there is fine, nobody is perfect. But you continue to fire the puck over the net from 5 feet away at least twice a game. Or, instead of one timing the puck into the wide open net, you decide to catch the pass, scratch your nose, and tie your skates before throwing a wrister into a goalie who's had enough time to get into position and take a swig from his water bottle. Please, enough is enough.

Honestly, if it weren't for heroic efforts from Emerson and Sanderson most games, Quebec would be sinking quite low in the standings.

[SSiG]

Another open letter

Dear New Jersey Devils,

You suck. Go hang yourselves.

Signed, SSiG

[matthurray]

Fact: Joe Juneau is the man. All slander should be retracted!

[angryjay93]

on a different note, id like to thank someone for my good start to this season.

To Mr. Dale Hawerchuk,

Hello my friend, I really owe my entire season to you at the moment. Despite all the woeful islanders play inside their own blueline, they have been able to stay afloat early in the season thanks to you. You saved my ass against the hapless Devils by spearheading a massive comeback with your hat trick and assist.

A few games later against Dallas you saved me once again by singlehandedly keeping me in a game i had zero business winning, and i mean ZERO!!! Your four goals and assist helped the Isles overcome 2 different three goal defecits and win the game in overtime.

And your latest heroics came against Toronto, it was the first game we played well as a team, but you assisted on 6 consecutive goals and ended with the first star award after getting your 6 assists, if not for a bit more luck, it could have easily been 8 or 9.

Thank you Dale for all that you have done for this club, without you, id be hanging out with the Devils in the standings...and i got you in the 6th round, what a steal.

With much love,

Juice Maker

[SSiG]

Dear Juicemaker,

Thanks for the shot at me in your letter to DALE Hawerchuk

I'll be sure to repay you by scoring my first GDL win in nearly a full season *WHO DARES TO BET ON THE DEVILS?*

Warm Regards,

SSiG

The only person who can turn losing into a work of art

[skoolyardpuck]

on a serious note, i think Logan may be onto something. I've been having problems with getting the one timer to work more than i ever have lately. Its like you pass AND press C but he won't shoot. And if you lose the puck right after that, he freezes as if he's waiting for the pass. I've never really had that problem before as often as I have playing with this rom. Anyone else noticing this happening more often?

[Scribe99]

on a serious note, i think Logan may be onto something. I've been having problems with getting the one timer to work more than i ever have lately. Its like you pass AND press C but he won't shoot. And if you lose the puck right after that, he freezes as if he's waiting for the pass. I've never really had that problem before as often as I have playing with this rom. Anyone else noticing this happening more often?

Use scanline rendering in your emulator's graphics tab, it improves everything.

[smozoma]

Use scanline rendering in your emulator's graphics tab, it improves everything.

I think this only works if your comp is slow? My comp is decent (P4, 2.8ghz, 1GB RAM) so I wonder if it would do anything for me.. What are the specs of the computers that actually benefit from using scanline rendering? Guess I'll have to try it out to see if there's a dif on mine..

[IAmFleury'sHipCheck]

on a serious note, i think Logan may be onto something. I've been having problems with getting the one timer to work more than i ever have lately. Its like you pass AND press C but he won't shoot. And if you lose the puck right after that, he freezes as if he's waiting for the pass. I've never really had that problem before as often as I have playing with this rom. Anyone else noticing this happening more often?

I have been experiencing major issues connecting on 1Ters this season.

[Scribe99]

I think this only works if your comp is slow? My comp is decent (P4, 2.8ghz, 1GB RAM) so I wonder if it would do anything for me.. What are the specs of the computers that actually benefit from using scanline rendering? Guess I'll have to try it out to see if there's a dif on mine..

I don't think my laptop is that fast, but it's less than a year old and it improves things for me. The issue appears to be the speed at which the emulator processes the graphics, not your pc.

Just turn on your FPS meter on the emulator and turn off autoskip. Watch how fast your frames go when you switch graphics settings on the emulator. And then play on scanline.

btw, I've always had issues connecting on one timers when playing online. This setting really improve the control for everything imo.

[HABS]

so scribe the scanlines help with netplay? I thought the framerate autoskip stuff only made a difference offline. I'll try this out tonight.

[marcusmaximus]

Don't be hatin on Joe Juneau! Without Juneau, the Bruins would be quite a dull unit offensively. I always thought that offensive awareness determines a player's one timer ability. Correct me if I'm wrong, but offensive awareness specifies a player's ability to cut to the net when your team is leading a fast break, and Juneau is usually in the 70-80s in this category...pretty good. Maybe you were just having bad luck with Juneau...he aint Sandstrom, but he's the man in boston

[shaftman]

Why haven't i seen this before?

Smoz I feel your pain.