LOS ANGELES (Dec. 13) -- After his Los Angeles Kings battled to a hard-fought, 5-game series victory over a tough Chicago Blackhawks squad, center Jimmy Carson was pleased to learn that he is, in fact, the other Son of God.
"I'm as surprised as you are," said Carson on the heels of his 4-goal performance in the series-clinching game, "But in retrospect, yeah, I guess it makes sense. I mean, my initials are JC, right? That's something." But rather than turn water into wine, like his dirty hippy brother, this Son of God prefers to turn loose pucks into goals. "I'm not going to lie, it's great being great," mused Carson.
"You know what the nicest part is?" asked coach Awesomerino J. Awesometon. "He's not a mentally unabalanced murderous sociopath. It's such a breath of fresh air. Really. Things have been kind of, I don't know ... tense, I guess ... since the Robitaille thing, so this is good." The 'Robitaille thing' to which Awesometon alluded is, of course, the Thanksgiving Day massacre that saw team captain Wayne Gretzky bake his former teammate at 425 degrees for 13 hours before carving him with a chainsaw and serving him to a group of hungry-but-horrified Kings players in late November.
"Krsahajk meiliek nasdj cbhk!!" said Gretzky, who has since abandoned the English language in favor of a dialect spoken primarily by Wookies and the criminally insane.
The Kings will enjoy some time off before their much anticipated semi-final matchup against the high-flying Pittsburgh Penguins.