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The Best Game You Can Name, Is A Good Old Hockey Game


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Having a lot of hockey literature around I figured I'd post some of the good quotes and puns I've highlighted over the years.

Most of these are from: Hockey Shorts, The Best Game You Can Name, Shooting From The Lip, and Simply The Best Hockey Insights and Strategies From Great Hockey Coaches.

Some of the raunchy stuff isn't suitable for the forum nor the back of a porn video was omitted, but there's still some salty ones in there.

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"Bud Lite."

St. Louis Blue Keith Tkachuk asked to name his favorite sports drink in the team media guide.

"Forecheck, backcheck, paycheck."

Gil Perreault on the secret to his success.

"It was the first time I've seen our customers eager to touch something besides our dancers."

Lonnie Hanover, owner of Scores, a New York strip club on Mark Messier bringing the Cup there after the Rangers won in '94.

"One of our guys got cut above the eye. They stitched him up and he finished the game. Later that night, he went to bed but he couldn't sleep: they'd sewn his eyelid open."

Bob Lorimer on the minor leagues and the lack of quality medical professionals.

"I gave Gary a puck once, and he spent the rest of the day trying to open it."

Pat Williams on Gary Bettman's hockey experience before becoming commissioner.

"I am a Cancer, I was born on July 16th."

Claude Lemieux after being told by coach Herb Brooks he was a cancer on the Devils.

"I'm just glad it wasn't machete night."

Ranger Bob Froese after fans threw plastic mugs onto the ice on mug night.

"Luc Robitaille is a great kid but ask anybody on the street and they'd probably think Luc Robitaille is a type of salad dressing."

LA Kings owner Bruce McNall on why he had to bring Wayne Gretzky to LA in 1988.

"I went to a restaurant in Chicago and they had a no-shooting section"

Harry Neale on calling games and having to travel through the bad lands of Chi town.

"Three Years ago I couldn't spell author now I are one."

Grapes on writing his autobiography.

"Trying to keep him out of the crease is like trying to tackle a Jaguar. Not the animal the car."

Ron Greschner on Flyers behemoth Tim Kerr.

"When We lose I get letters from religious organizations saying if you don't change your name to the Angels you'll keep on losing."

John McMullen Devils owner.

"When he put his arms out to celebrate the rest of us skated to the bench and left him there all alone."

Dave Taylor on Marcel Dionne receiving death threats before a game.

"I'm going into the locker room and diving into the cup."

Mario Lemieux after Mike Keenan accused him of taking dives during the '92 finals.

"It may not be as exciting to flush your toilet as to watch NHL hockey but it's a lot more essential."

Roger Young Winnipeg councilman debating whether the city should help finance the Jets or a new sewer system.

"Whenever I walked through that big black door leading into the visiting locker room I thought I was walking through the gates of hell."

Mike Robitaille on the days of the broad street bullies.

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IGOR KRAVCHUK:

"We played street hockey as kids but instead of shoes we wore skates and instead of ice we skated on snow pressed down really hard.

I remember cutting down a Christmas tree, cutting off all the branches and then bending the end into the shape of a blade."

"In my town Ufa, you were lucky to get a proper stick because they were sold out right after they came in. If you weren't lined up outside the store in the

morning it was back to the woods with an axe."

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"Starting August 1, I don't order fries with my club sandwich."

Mario Lemieux asked if he worked out during the off season.

"It's like ham and eggs. The chicken makes a contribution, but the pig he makes a commitment."

Enigmatic Flyers coach Fred Shero on the difference between commitment and contribution.

"The only worse job is a javelin catcher at a track and field meet."

Gump Worsley on the hazards of goal tending.

"I like fun. I like Rambo. I like music. I like cars. I like pizza."

Petr Klima on coming to USA and joining the Red Wings and their owner, pizza baron Mike Illtick.

"I have one goal in each stick."

Petr Klima on why he breaks his stick after every goal.

"Emotion - a short term friend -can carry you a long way. What you need is a long term companion like talent."

Tom McVie

"Tell him he's Wayne Gretzky."

Ted Green after Oilers player Shaun Van Allen had a concussion and forgot who he was.

"All pro athletes are bilingual, they speak English and profanity."

Gordie Howe

"Last season we couldn't win on the road or at home. My failure is that I can't think of anyplace else to play."

Harry Neale on the Canucks.

"If you've only got one day to live come see the Leafs. It'll seem like forever."

Pat Foley Blackhawks broadcaster.

"Empty-net goals are for faggots."

Al Iafrate's reply to why he deliberately missed an empty net after a game against the Bruins.

"Coaching his team is like having a window seat on the Hindenburg."

Bob Plager

"I feel like Spud Webb going against Abdul Jabbar."

Rick Meagher 5'8 on shadowing Mario Lemieux.

"I have been able to maintain my scoring pace while guys like Lafleur have tailed off. I always get an extra 2 months of rest because we never make the playoffs."

Marcel Dionne on playing for the La Kings.

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BRAD DELGARNO:

"When I was with the Islanders my stall was right next to the stereo. There was a lot of inconstancy in the music and it was killing me. So I made some mixed tapes thinking in terms

of rhythm and flow to get the energy going."

"Darius Kasparaitis loved these tapes because he just came from Lithuania and everything was new and exciting.

It didn't matter if it was Lionel Richie or Frank Sinatra or Beck: it was all new."

"One day he came running into the dressing room waving a CD all excited shouting, "You've got to hear this music, it's so amazing!"

"We were all excited because Darius was excited, he fucked with the machine and when he got it working and pressed play the music started and it was "Have You Seen The Love Tonight"

by Elton John from the Lion King."

"He couldn't figure out why we thought it was a piece of crap. He kept harping "But it's so good! Listen it's fantastic!"

"I think he was crushed that we couldn't get behind it."

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"50 percent of the game is mental and the other fifty percent is being mental."

St. Louis Blue and tough guy Basil McRae.

"If you draft Selanne fourth I'm going to fire you. They picked Darren Shannon instead"

Ken Schinkel on then Pittsburgh GM Tony Esposito about NHL teams and their reluctance to draft European players.

"We're going to be the best in the league at something. We're deep in anthem singers."

Nashville coach Barry Trotz on his Predators.

"Dirty isn't a derogatory word. It's a good thing to be called in hockey."

Red Wing Steve Yzerman asked about Dale Hunter's style.

"Maybe we should hire another coach, so we can push him."

Dallas Stars goalie Ed Belfour after hearing Ken Hitchcock wanted backup Marty Turco to push him for the starting job.

"It must be the body. It's chiseled out of marshmallows."

Tony Amonte on possessing the NHL's second longest active playing streak.

"They always try to play with our minds. But that won't work with our club. We've got 20 guys without brains."

Flyer Bobby Clarke in 1976 when the Russian Central Army team played in Philadelphia.

"I was young and stupid then. Now I'm not young anymore."

Maple Leaf Jyrki Lumme on his early years with Montreal.

"The kids just aren't the same today."

Doug Gilmour after asking a rookie to sneak a case of 24 beers onto the team bus and finding out he only got 6 cans.

"I like to space them out so I can remember them."

Flyer Chris McAllister after scoring his first goal in 94 games.

"I'm on fire."

Canuck Darren Langdon after getting an assist for his first point in 32 games.

"It's not so much maturity as it is growing up"

Deep thinking Bruin Jay Miller asked if his improved play was due to maturity.

"The worst thing you can do is overreact. But it's not good to under react either."

Devils GM Lou Lamoriello after the defending champs failed to make the playoffs.

"They don't know a lick about hockey. They never leave in the 3rd period because they think there's a 4th one."

Predator Tom Fitzgerald on Nashville fans.

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JOHN CHABOT:

"We'd played Moncton in Halifax and had lost at home. The game before, we'd had some disabled kids come down to the room. One of them was a huge Voyageurs fan.

Everybody was signing things and patting him on the back and somehow he ended up getting invited back for the next game."

"He was wheeled into the room after the loss and put near the door. Broph came in ranting and raving and screaming about us being a bunch of invalids. He spotted the fellow in the

wheelchair and said, "What the f**k is he doing in the room? We got enough of these f**king guys sitting right here!"

"He opened the door, put his foot on the back of the wheelchair, and booted him out of the room sending him across the hallway and into a wall. He yelled at the guy, "Now stay

the f**k out!" Then he smashed our weight machines into pieces, ripped the stick holder off the wall, and broke every stick we owned.

Then we skated for an hour and a half in front of our home fans."

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"I wouldn't urinate in his ear if his brain was on fire."

Bobby Hull on a longtime Montreal rival.

"Basically, I don't like anybody."

Brantt Myhres asked if there was anyone in the league he disliked.

"Rocket had that mean look on, every game we played he was 100% hate. He could hate with the best of 'em."

Gordie Howe on Maurice Richard.

"We know that hockey is where we live, where we can best meet and overcome pain and wrong and death. Life is just a place where we spend time between games."

Flyers coach Fred Shero.

"This is the only thing that has seen more parties than us."

Steven Tyler Aerosmith's lead singer on the Stanley Cup.

"Tasted like horse pee from a tin cup."

Montreal goalie Gump Worsley on drinking champagne from the Stanley Cup.

"It's going to be nice to be embarrassed in practice instead of games."

Panther Rhett Warrener on having Pavel Bure become a teammate.

"I just tape four Tylenols to it."

Boris Mironov on playing with a busted ankle.

"I never knew the rules. I used common sense. It's really the only way to run a game. If officials called every penalty they saw, there would be no players on the ice."

Hall of Fame referee Bill Chadwick.

"He's the kind of guy that will stab you in the back to your face."

Brett Hull talking about Mike Keenan.

"Daneyko got mad when Kaminski said he was going to knock his teeth out. Dano has only two teeth left, so you don't say that to Dano."

Jacques Lamaire on a fight between Ken Daneyko and Kevin Kaminski.

"I don't care if we lose every game for the next five years and the team moves to Moose Jaw. I will not trade Pavel Bure!"

Canucks GM Brian Burke several weeks before trading Pavel Bure to Florida.

"Do they think this is the World Wrestling Federation?"

Ray Bourque after the Canadiens accused him of biting a blood capsule to get the Bruins a penalty.

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"50 percent of the game is mental and the other fifty percent is being mental."

St. Louis Blue and tough guy Basil McRae.

Atta boy bazz.

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The Iafrate one never gets old.

Also adds in the lulz because he was my dads roommate in Toronto.

Cool

"Rocket had that mean look on, every game we played he was 100% hate. He could hate with the best of 'em."

Gordie Howe on Maurice Richard = my father

:D

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  • 4 years later...

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