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Ottawa Senators

Team Overview: Ottawa is horrible. Yet, I like using them. It has nothing to do with the personnel on the roster, which is wretched; only 1 player on the roster is GDL draft worthy. The reason I like using Ottawa is because of all the trash talking that can be done after winning with Ottawa, unless the team you beat is Anaheim or Florida.

Forwards: On a legitimate team, none of the Ottawa forwards would sniff the starting lineup. The best thing that could be said about Ottawa is that they do have the ability to mix and match a bit with their line combos as they aren’t filled with a ton of players that do the same thing. But when no one does anything well, the lines have only so much potential to recognize.

Offense? What’s that?:


Sylvain Turgeon: 9 weight, 4/4 skating, 3/2 shot, 3 sth, 2 pass, 3/3 aware, Shoots: L

A poor man’s Pat Falloon...really? We’re starting with this? Come on AJ, just get through it. Damn, I wish I could talk about Pierre Turgeon again, but I’ll force myself to talk about Sylvain. Ideally, Turgeon would be the center because of his weight, but his lackluster shooting and awareness make him ineffective in that role. Turgeon seems to fit better on his natural wing where he can use his speed in areas of the ice with some lighter traffic. If he can dance around and make a guy or two miss, things do tend to open up for the Sens and he can make short effective passes or attack the net and use his speed to deke the goalie. At his worst though, Turgeon will be a giveaway machine whether it be getting knocked off the puck or with his lackluster passing skills and he wont do anything defensively to make up for the turnovers.

Jamie Baker: 7 weight, 3/3 skating, 3/3 shot, 3 sth & pass, 3/3 aware, Shoots: R

There are worse center options in the league, but this is pretty dang close to the worst. Baker is the main weapon on this line, he does an admirable job, but he’s really in deep when going up against a hard hitting defense. Baker possesses neither the speed or weight advantage to get away from the defense consistently, but when he does, he’s competent enough at depositing the puck in the net, try to take advantage of such chances. When playing against a heavier team, Baker becomes a better player because then he can throw his weight around a bit, every advantage gained is critical.

Doug Smail: 5 weight, 3/3 skating, 2/1 shot, 2 sth & pass, 2/3 aware, Shoots: L

If you’re looking for offensive production, you’ve come to the wrong place. Smail has only one thing in mind, if it moves, destroy it. Unfortunately though, Smail often finds himself leading the attack because he is light and a decent skater. Leading the attack with Smail though is akin to trying to slash through your buddy with a plastic light saber. Shoot with Smail? I dare you too. Pass with Smail? I’d love to see how that turns out. There isn’t a happy end to any story with the puck on Smail’s stick, you just hope he gets it off someone else’s often enough to be useful.

This line has a little speed, some defensive presence, and hopefully enough scoring to stay in a game. Smail and Turgeon have 2 passing. That fact is going to make it really tough to move the puck around effectively. Short passes and puck support is going to be the key to the Senators offense because turnovers can kill good teams, just imagine how ugly things could get with Ottawa.


Bob Kudelski: 9 weight, 3/3 skating, 3/4 shot, 3 sth & pass, 3/3 aware, Shoots: R

The resident sniper, Kudelski is the answer to those looking for a one-timing slug in the middle. To no one’s surprise, Kudelski is a bottom tier slug, he doesn’t have the skating, shooting, or awareness to make him particular threatening in any aspect of the game. If left wide open though, Kudelski can do some work, so he can’t be completely ignored in the middle like most other Senator forwards. Defensively, he’s a vortex of suck. He will get abused by most every center in the league; he is going to need a lot of support.

Time for a compliment sandwich. What I like about this line, Baker and Kudelski create a 1-2 punch that can pass and score, not at a high level, but hey, it’s still something. Something bad...This line has none speed. Something good, something good...Smail has a great ‘stache, we need to get his photo into the line match-ups screen.

Random Assorted Crap on the Right:


Mark Lamb: 6 weight, 4/3 skating, 2/1 shot, 3 sth & pass, 2/4 aware, Shoots: L

If his lack of goal scoring prowess can be ignored, Lamb is a viable option. He skates pretty well, has some playmaking abilities to help aid the offense, is defensively conscious and he can play the body a bit. It’s just by time you’ve set him up for the 50th slam dunk one-timer that he some how puts into the stands is about the time he stays glued to the bench.

Jeff Lazaro: 6 weight, 3/3 skating, 2/3 shot, 3 sth, 2 pass, 3/1 aware, Shoots: L

Another light player with average skating, Lazaro has a bit more touch around the net and he’s not unfamiliar with setting up shop around it. The fact remains though, that Lazaro is simply not a good player.

Laurie Boschman: 6 weight, 4/2 skating, 2/2 shot, 3 sth, 2 pass, 2/4 aware, Shoots: L

The speed is bad, but it’s not like anyone else on the Sentaors is that fast, so he will blend in. Skill wise, it’s best just not to talk about it. Defensively, he isn’t Bob Kudelski.

Trading in Smail’s defense for a smidge more offense isn’t the worst thing in the world to do, especially considering this offense doesn’t come at a huge price. In the end, the gain is fairly negligible.

Forwards: 1.5/10

Defense: Here resides the one legitimate player on the Senators roster, but not even Don Sweeney himself could save this team. Norm MacIver is solid and provides some stability, but there is a ton of minor league caliber talent behind him.


Norm MacIver: 6 weight, 3/3 skating, 3/2 shot, 2 sth, 3 pass, 4/4 aware, Shoots: L

While not spectacular, MacIver is as solid as they come because he is light, fairly mobile, smart, and has enough skills with the puck to provide a spark offensively. Asking him to carry a team though, it’s a bit too much since Norm is better suited as a #2 D-man. Still, he does prove rather effective because he can handle the heavier forwards in the league with a body check and he isn’t outmatched too badly against the lighter and faster ones. Unfortunately though, the Senators are often forced to activate MacIver on offense because the forwards are so inept at creating their own. This inevitably leads to some turnovers and MacIver just isn’t fast enough to get back and cover himself on defense, there is a lot of risk/reward to be had here.

Brad Shaw: 7 weight, 3/2 skating, 3/1 shot, 3 sth & pass, 3/3 aware, Shoots: R

If I had to choose between Garth Butcher and Brad Shaw, I’d probably take Brad Shaw. Does that qualify as a compliment? All in all, Shaw isn’t disease inducing bad, but he is still held back due to his lack of speed which can really hurt him in a lot of instances. Shaw really labors against any player with speed or hitting ability as he lacks the ability to elude a good check. Thankfully, in comparison to a lot of other garbage D-men, Shaw can move the puck a bit and he has a decent amount of awareness which helps him cover up the slot on defense. Still, a slow, middle weight defenseman with no plus skills isn’t going to get a team like Ottawa very far.

Is it the league’s worst pairing? No. Is it close? Perhaps. Still, this duo has it where it counts to not get murdered which is decent weight, decent passing, and decent awareness. Avoid getting into a high flying game at all costs though because the lack of speed here will put the Senators at a huge disadvantage.

Other Options: The starting duo is set in stone, they can be flip flopped to play their off-handed sides, but they need to start. The rest of the D-core is composed of light weight pylons.

Chris Luongo: 6 weight, 2/2 skating, 1/0 shot, 2 sth & pass, 1/3 aware, Shoots: R

This should be the first option off the bench for Ottawa, an appealing option this is not. Slow, unskilled, and dumb, Luongo will not get the job done in most instances, but he is at least light. Hopefully, the opponent goes on a C check binge when they start seeing random Ottawa defenseman, Luongo is decent at absorbing a check, hopefully he can do so and then release the puck to another player who should promptly turn it over.

Ken Hammond: 7 weight, 3/2 skating, 2/1 shot, 2 sth, 1 pass, 1/3 aware, Shoots: L

It’s probably safe to say Ken has never been drafted in any online league and it isn’t hard to see why that would be the case. If Shaw gets hurt, Hammond does bring the same weight and skating to the table. It’s too bad though that this table is supported on three rickety legs.

Tomas Jelinek: 7 weight, 2/2 skating, 2/2 shot, 3 sth, 1 pass, 2/2 aware, Shoots: L

I would presume this is the Senators idea of a joke for their answer to an offensive defenseman?

Brad Marsh: 11 weight, 2/2 skating, 1/0 shot, 1 sth, 2 pass, 0/3 aware, Shoots: L

A default sub that gives up goals by default when iced.

Defense: 3/10

Goalie Zone: The term goalie is being used rather loosely here; turnstile ought to be more appropriate.

Daniel Berthiaume: 1 weight, 3/3 skating, 1/1 aware, 2 puck control, 2/2/2/2 save, Catch: L

The unique thing about Berthiaume is his 1 weight, only dude in the game this light. But even his super fly weight status doesn’t save his lack of mobility in net. Still, he is the better manual goalie. Trust me; there will be a ton of that going on.

Peter Sidorkwicz: 6 weight, 2/3 skating, 1/1 aware, 2 puck control, 2/2/2/2 save, Catch: L

Shoddy mobility and non super fly weight status makes for a goalie that moves like a tank, machine gun turret not included on this model.

This is akin to picking death by evisceration or drawing and quartering. If Berthiaume is drawing and quartering, I’ll pick that. It ends quicker I assume.

Goalies: 0/10

Bottom Line: Just don’t. But if you must, it is essential to slow the game down and frustrate the opponent. The Senators simply do not have the talent to carry a game offensively; they must create turnovers, convert their chances on offense, and keep the puck away from their “goalies”. Good luck.

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Yeah, if there's a team that could be in the running for Worst Team in NHL 94 along with Anaheim and possibly Florida, it's the Ottawa Senators. Where to begin....?

Baker is decent and for the sake of lessening whatever issues the Sens have (And there's a lot of them!), he stays at center. Either elder brother Sylvain or Kudelski can ride shotgun with Baker, but I give the nod to Kudelski because he's a better shooter and passer than Turgeon. Either Mike Lamb (LOL) or Boschman get the starting nod because they're scrappers, but you gotta use them yourself if they're worth something (Which isn't a lot, but there are worst options on this team).

When the backup goalie is better than your starting goalie on this team, that should raise red flags right here. The Bruins get a free pass on that one because their team is not a total trainwreck as Ottawa. If Sidorkiewicz is your starter in GDL or any other league, I'd feel bad for you. And Berthiaume isn't that much better aside from his weight and mobility. They both suck so hard a black hole wouldn't escape them; and fact is, their nets are a black hole for goals!

The only one worth a damn here is Maciver and probably Baker for backup duty. Come Blitz time, though, the charm quickly fades away...

Good sodding luck!

Edited by RedWingDevil
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  • 4 years later...

CB Noes




Sylvain Turgeon: Ya know, Sylvain ain't half bad with the CB check because now he can recover the puck after he's thrown it away with one of his shite passes. Throw in that their may be fewer weight buggers on the ice to wreck his day and Turgeon is a useful piece on what could shape up to be a functional Senator front line.

Jamier Baker: Once the unquestioned center, Baker may now be best suited as a wing thanks to his 7 weight and having the most balanced skill set among Senator forwards. He still won't be a defensive force due to his lack of skating, but he should be ok out on the wing where he will face less pressure when he's carrying the puck up ice.

Doug Smail: Still extremely useful as a defensive stopper against 7+ weight forwards. Still extremely useless as an offensive contributor. Have him ride some pine if there is no one to beat up.

Bob Kudelski: Things are really taking shape in Ottawa as they can now ice their best shooter without the repercussion of being far too heavy. Kudelski is still too slow of foot to be a premier option on either side of the ice but he should be much more able to take advantage of his shot on an unsuspecting opponent if given the chance.

New Line: Turgeon-Kudelski-Baker

Two passable wings on their natural side and a center capable of scoring enough of his chances to keep a team in the game. A gem of a line among expansion teams.

Mark Lamb, Jeff Lazaro, Laurie Boschman: Fringe players who have lost their place in the Senator rotation.

Neil Brady: 9 weight, 2/2 skating, 2/2 shot, 2 sth, 3 pass, 3/3 aware, Shoots: L

If the Sens find themselves without the services of Turgeon or Kudelski then Brady should be the next man off the bench if a CB guy is required. Brady has a very limited skill set to go along with limited mobility. It would probably be best to ice Smail as his skating will allow him to better keep pace with the play.



Norm Maciver: Easily maintaining his #1 D-man status, Maciver should be relied upon a bit less to carry the load offensively and should be a serviceable weight bug anchor behind the heavier Turgeon.

Brad Shaw: Despite feet that appear to be in cinder blocks at times, Shaw is by far and away the best partner for Maciver. His average puck handling and passing skills will still be of great use as he is sure to see even more pressure now that the bigger and faster forwards can attempt to make his life miserable.

Chris Luongo, Tomas Jelinek, Ken Hammond: Underskilled middle weights who should be kept off the ice as much as possible. Just dont take a penalty with either of the starting duo...never ever.

Brad Marsh: A default sub who will still give up goals by default when iced.

Darren Rumble: 9 weight, 2/2 skating, 2/0 shot, 2 sth and pass, 2/3 aware, Shoots: L

Hes probably ready to rumble....I guess??? Ottawa is bereft of CB options and Rumble may be the only possible guy who can step in without sabotaging the game. Probably best to just let him Rumble on the bench.

Bottom Line


Ottawa has become a relatively functional team tha....Huh!? Hold on a second, I need to refuckulate here...carry the one, reduce the fraction, 'x' must be a positive number and yes now I have the answer!

Still functional, well I'll be damned. A dash of speed, a little scoring, guys who should be able to compliment each other well defensively, a bunch of guys on their natural side and still the leagues worst goaltenders. f**k, I forgot about that part, this team is still terrible. NEXT!!!

But, no really. I mean these guys might be ok against some of the established teams.

Edited by angryjay93
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  • 3 years later...

Just had an idea.. what if you put a little side graphic that shows the player rating ranges, like

6 : 99 
5 : 81-98
4: .. i don't even know them actually

I think the face camera is a bit stretched out horizontally. Should be able to correct that in OBS studio?

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