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The 2on2 Kaillera Log


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The following is a collection of Kaillera chat logs from 2on2 game play. I began collecting them when the 2on2 league was in it’s infancy, about 6 years ago, way back in 2006. The plan was to make some highlight videos and use the quotes to accompany the highlights, or hilarious lowlights that frequently occur during games. That plan fell through when my old hard drive crashed and I failed to backup the text file.

In 2008, I began, again, saving some of the the chats from epic, marathon 2on2 sessions for shits and giggles. Much of the stuff is post-2on2.org league games, and mostly just haphazardly setup scrimmages, when who ever was available, played. It’s actually how 90% of the matches are setup, since it’s extremely difficult to get 4 people online at the same time for league games – and it’s what led to the eventual demise of the original league (as you’ll see in a moment). So, in a way, this chat log probably encapsulates the essence of 2on2 better – or worse.

If you aren’t a 2on2 OG, and don’t recognize that banner above from the web site, then here’s a little history on the origins of 2on2 from the old site.

A Briefer History of 2on2

2on2.org home page said:

2on2.org is another appendage in the ever expanding NHL ’94 community of online gamers. It’s common ground where enthusiasts who play this niche version of the game can compete in an online league and have fun.

2on2 was spawned in April of 2006 as a result of the ill-fated, and now defunct, NHL ’94 Cup Chase. At the demise of the Cup Chase, there was speculation, postmortem, about how to fill the void of this league.

I was introduced to a version of NHL ’94 by Tickenest, where there are two skaters per team, and really liked with the style of play. Tickenest had entertained the idea of resurrecting his Cup Chase with a ROM that only had one or two skaters per team. I took the onus myself to create several versions of this ROM with equalized ratings in hopes that it would help the league reestablish itself.

As it turns out, Tickenest’s Cup Chase couldn’t be revived, and it looked like my efforts were all for naught.

A week or two after the fall of the Cup Chase, I had convinced some of the guys from thee NHL ’94.com forum to give some of the short sided ROMs I edited a shot. The initial reaction was underwhelming, and there really wasn’t any serious interest in them.

Someone on the forum (whom, I don’t remember) quipped, "doesn’t Kaillera support multi-tap?". It was an unknown at the time because Gens itself support four-way play. To my delight it did, and I had a blast playing a tightly contested series of games.

After the multi-tap discovery, 2on2′s popularity blew up and generated a lot of interest in the format from the community.

That popularity led to the notion of a 2on2 league, which was met with some reservations. Even with all the games guys were playing, it was (and still is) something of an oddity. Never the less, HABS and I collaborated on a inaugural 2on2 campaign that was comprised of 6 teams, or 12 players, and we logged scores by posting results in the old 2on2 league thread.. It actually was a very successful season, and the Penguins took home the hardware in the finals, defeating the Kings in 4 games.

I left out the part where the league capsizes due to the difficulty of getting everyone online at the same time, but 2on2 is alive and kicking, 6 years later.

I’d like to offer some words of warning to anyone who is not familiar with the game, before reading the Kaillera log.

This is what NHL’94 looks like when it’s put in a spoon and held over a candle.

What you are about to, “read”, reflects the frenetic, high-tempo, bat-s**t crazy game that is 4 player, 2on2.

It’s nearly impossible to communicate coherently when playing 2on2, since, if you do take the time to type something for more than 2 seconds, chances are you’ll get beat off the draw, giving the opposition a breakway.

Also, the text is from many, many games, combined into one file, and it’s difficult to follow.

I sincerely apologize to all of mankind.

Kaillera 2on2 Chat Log

we played 2on2

with new guuga

IQ25

huhu

thats houl

neinein he was playn classic

unless hes super talented

or mutant 4hands

LOL

MUTANT

LMAO

GAGA

table for 2v2?

im macho man

NEED A LITL EXCITEMENT?!?!?!

ART THOU BORED?

how we lose that

i was on the winning team though

LOL YOU WERE ON OTHER TEAM

you didnt lose you were the last winner

man

lol

you’ve put together a solid season for 1st time

yeah i jog for practice

and punch the wind on the freeway

exhaust fumes in my lungs

gets me hyped

for fisting by 20 goals

lol

slow down

nooooo shoot out

camon let me pick a team

lol menu rage

we are marked

for life

man thats insane lagolas

unbelievable

they should make a movie about us

lolol

because we are so crazy on sega

that was getting painful

ben gay balls feels better

i think hurt his feelings

orly

he bolted

whats his aim

he just wanted to be a part

of the group

lol wat

damn

now he’ll listen to linkin park

loooool

and be filled with rage

good intro lose by 11

fire baptise

jesus take it easy on newbs

or they wont come back

mongo dont know own strength

polite + donnybrook = boston beaners team

HOSE OF PAYNE

JUMPAROUND

haha

this new guys come outa nowhere

who

sarcdoc

??

he asked me out of the blue for a 94 gm

sourdough

and sent him 2on2

like 3 days ago

now hes on more than hokkee

2on2 is gateway drug

terminator salvation bots

2v2?

joinnnn

laaagggg

to slow to play

gg

gagaa

ggs

bak to the zoo apes

lag like a mother

etch a sketch connections

thegr8199kings Desynched

jesusplaysnhl94 Desynched

IAmFleury’sHipCheck Desynched

HABS Desynched

nothings happninggggg

press starrt

camannnnn

wait for other members to join u dick

insert coins

loll

lag is what made tyson bite evanders ear off

OM NOM

stop goalie control u damn dirty ape

comebaksss

STOP GC

asdfasdfsadf

gg

asdfasdfasdgrga

fukk

biggest lead blown job ever

7 goals

he is gorillas brother

separated at birth

lol

brb banana bread burning

lolll

lol wtf? banana bread 2am?

brb prune the shrubs 2am

aka pubes

MAX4000 Desynched

DIED

max 4000 sounds like a laxative

LOL

hahaah

ggg

switch teams?

no gota flow go’n

SWITCH PANTS

sotp replays

replays kill babies

passing to max is like handing ear phones to a deaf person

lOll

gaaaaaaa

GET DOWWWWWN

ASTA LA VEESTA

CALLYFORNYAHHANA

DOOO IT

CMANNN DO IT NOW

PUT THAT COOKIE DONW

lool

u see vid of arnold smoking da weed

SMOKING THE JOINT

that was prolly 1oz joint

arnnold so big it looks like tooth pick

he was mr universe

lou looked pretty jacked too

LOU FRIGGN’NO?

yea

arnold + stalone

haha

contra the movie!

they are on the cover

rarrrr

a winrar is u

contra was the best game for nes

besides ice hockey

nes was good toaster

need to bring back that style console

haha yea

who is 4th?

poltie

polite not answering

call waiting

CMAAAAAA

hes on milk carton

lol

like oven in here

cook bacon on pc tower

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PLACE

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

BROONS ON MY TELEVISION SCREEN

SUPER TRAPON

phone ringng

camonnn phone sex later

CANES CANT SCORE TWO

fuc heat

burn tires in fire place

lool

camon tuba crisco

tim thomas was 1 hit wonder

back to slap shot

lool

whos 4th wheel

frey is

welcome to the party pal

yippe kiyay mofoapes

JOIN U HANS GRUBERS

jack edwards makes cookies in tree houses in off season

loooool

WHAT

U’VE GOT AIDS

aids of spades

lol

gA

FREYDEY NO RESPONDO

freydey doesn’t care about 2on2 ppl

hes at work

BOSTON BRYANS CLINCH

who wins in fight

spud webb or jack edwards

loool

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

looool

gg

thought we were sedin double mint twins for sec there setup wise

LOLLLLLL

own goal

HE s**t IT IN HIS OWN NET

boyle :L

good D you hammer lick

I HATE HAMRDICK

lool

whos lagging

not me 2 prong outlets

haha

GOAL

so what

WATA A SAVE

goal line super man

unbelievable robo saves

I AM ROBOT

lol

back2back strategyyyy

like jackie chan and chris tucker

yes

lol

SAKICS HEATING UP

joejoe the idiot circus boy!

lol

gooooo

wtgaga

unpause

1 sec door

zzzzz

wat kind of door you have jaw bridge

CAMON GO

IM DETECTIVE JOHN KIMBLE

IM A COP U IDIOT

haha

NICE SAVE TURDCO

no more manual goalie

lol wat a goon

WOWA 90% SHOT ACCURACY

wesley sniped

LOOK YOURE ON TV

lolll

STRAIGHT CASH HOMIE

std server unbanned u?

FREE DAY

haha

free hat

youre rodney king of 2on2

whers 4th?

wheres houlihoop

burning the house down or something

gg

GAA

what team am i on?

oilers ur lw

no i mean who am i with

youre with stupid

HAHAHA

1st and 3rd

2nd and 4th to join are teams

thx

camonnn

crash the net

more? 1 more gm

series 2-3

so

ok 1 more gm after next 5

wtga

too much d

never had ot tie before

call guinness

no

happen before

there was a scoreless gm once in the time before ga

liesss

swear

dont move your guy

why

GOOOGO

testing something

ok one sec i test

lol fuk u

LOL

wtga

goal scoring test

:/

screw u guys im going home

lol

dude

too much dry humping like avery

stop hooking and get open in the slot

i come from long line of dirty hookers i cant help it

well go against the grain and dont blow it

YOU WORK CORNER FOR 2ON2

stop talk play now

lolllllll

thats crazy speed burst check

haha

fire up the crack pipe

k stop replay

no rapeplay is good

dude go already

100000 john madden circles

brettt favreeeee

f**king lame

* Dropped: Rantoro (Player 3)

LOL

1 hour for 1 gm :/

get stunt double

whos on?

bo’s on

get

what about stanish?

who

SATANISH

dont see

takeyourpill on

nvm whack a mole

nobody avail

bah

5

4

3

2

1

0

OFFBLAST

ggggs

ggs

ffs

gg

DMAC STICK TO THE PLAN

ok

whats the plan

maximum suction

lol

goooo

k

lakers gonna win again

bah

nba finals on tnt with gnarles barkley

no body care about cricket games

lol

crakit

whos 4th

thats my license plate says

WHO

ask hokke

no

ull be traded to ny isles on a 12 yr deal with garth snow

lolol

dadonch on

get someone

neeedd ggammesssesese

orr = god mode

ratings same?

ya old rom had ultra t-1000 orr

someone roars bobby orrs

wtf why roy not on habs

cause its richard beliveau

gggasga

no more nj

they mickey mouse operation

use north stars and atlana flamers

deported teams

why you guys have to cheat

WTF

cheat?

its obvious ur cheating

cant cheat everyone has to have the same rom

then its a code

lol

game genie 2on2

youre paranoid

sungod if we were cheating you would of lost by 100

haha

its your team then

fine pick the same team

mirror match

all ratings homogenized

HOMO RATINGS

YOU RAT

lets see you talk s**t in classic

lets go right now

you dare challenge

GENS F CHAMP????

LOL

ggg

gg

bobby clarke was on mission

FAKE

flyers cant win without fights

good gc

bernieee parent

gg

gggg

GADSGAGSGG

wow

WATA POST

snake bitten

MOST POSTS ALL TIME

i counted 5

north stars are post master generals

impotence

YOU SUCK BELLOWS

GG

gg

GG

gg

PENALTY

2 MINUTES SHOOTING PUCK OVER GLASS

thats bettman rules

f**k buttman

play with your feet for 2 mins

lolol

ya

delay of GA

LOLOL

lol we turned panic mode on D

no comebacks jebus

OT bolder time

LEROYYYYY JENKINSSSSSSSSSSSS

WOOH

GG

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

yesssssssssssssssssssssssss

GAAAAAAAAAA

OBYRNE AND BERGERON IN D

paul korean 1st star

lolll

gggg

VGG

yee GG

double goalie check

picked up the spare

looool

WOWOW

WE GOT HOSED

2 GOALS 18 SEC

pretty clutch

unpause OT now

NO MUST SAVOR

take polaroid and go

POLISHROIDS

OMG

dis stink kicking motion

KICKKKK

HOW MANY KICKS

dis allow koharski

HAVE ANOTHER DOUGHNUT

sally the camel had

6 DICKS

KICKS

loll

THATS MOST OBV KICK

ggg

gege

gaaaaggs

GG

LOOOL WATTA STEAL

interception! *tecmo bowl music

selke please

WTGA

throw the golve next time scott fartsmell

FART SMELL

jesusplaysnhl94 Desynched

JARO HALAK Desynched

habs Desynched

someone threw shoes on the power lines

jaro robs join

spock check

4chek 4check

lol

wtf happned to goalie

puck was loose whole time

cheese ram

holmstrom 2on2

WTGA

COMEBACKS

GG

qq

well hump a cactus

4-0

mikita owns

OWNS

A FORD ESCORT

u made chicago indian man cry

tobacco tears

THATS 2ON2

HISTORY WIL BE MADE

move red leader

why not moving

GO

k back

ITS A TRAP

ON

LOL

be toking too much between periods

lol

TIN TOKER

I NEED TOKE

hookah rask

lol

HORN GM OVER

i need that horn

for my moped

ggg

GG

GAGAS

gg

BASTARDS

double stastny attack

DO IT LIVE BILL ORALLY

trade stastny twins

for olson twins

lol

how the hell we lost

too many picasos

need to crash the net

f**k RUBIC CUBES

CRASH NET LIKE SUNNY BONO

lol

ggs

whyd he quit

i pissed him off i thik

its only 6 am

haha

he mad

send him exploding cigar

all better now

he must train to improve

has to watch kovalev videos now

LOL NO

skate like this through the vodka pylons

TRAIN LIKE BILL CROSBY

lol

IS THERE A BILL CROSBY STATUE IN PITTSBURGH

yes

its called a urinal

pisspots

NEXT TIME

ULL BE DOOMED

doomed 3d

doomed 64

DOOM SNES

:0

* Joins:

* Parts:

* Joins:

* Joins:

* Starting: nhl942on2 (2/4)

- press “Drop” if emulator fails

zalex picked this

wtf

I WAS ON ITUNE

WAT THERS NO ITUNE 94

ipog

SHUT UP

****

U IN WRONG SERVR

lol

wtga unpause

wtf

/p2pon

crash pas tlt ca wack

LOL

MORE CRASHOR

THIS IS f**king WACK

lool

super PP

gg loool 3 on 1

lmao

lol

new svr

this s**t wack

hardtoopen.ytmnd.com

wheres habs

yes where is he?

dccomics is on

get

issue 94

of what dc or marvel

marvel

NHL 94 THE MARVEL MOVIE

in 3D

based on a real story

that i made up

chris walken as shaq

LOL

hokkefan as danny tanner

PLAY U APES

arnold schwartz as president of the united states of quebexico

awesome quebexico

u are a drunken lush

LOL

winter classic 2v2?

everyone play outside

with extension cord

lol

does evan stil post

no

once a yr

he prob hates us now

it was mr evans neighboorhood

we made it ghetto

exacto

we should all oppolgize to evan

i gave 15 dollars of weed to a bum dressed like santa

lol wtf

could of been undercover black santa

i know him

see him every time i go there

hes a bum?

yea

where he get santa suit if hes a bum?

i dunno

hes outside bar all the time

never goes in

i gave him redballs

he’s probably on the radio now

LMAO

yea there are some smart homeless guys

hes a coke head tho

haha

he showed me pics of house a party

they rented a midget

wow

yea coke head right there

lol

where the fuk do you rent a midget?

ask homless santa you gotta know other homeless santa coke heads to know

lol

avg ppl dont know that s**t

http://pixelpuck.com/?p=2162

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