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Chicago upends Edmonton

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The Chicago Blackhawks today took a pair from the Edmonton Oilers, but to describe it as good hockey would be a grave, grave mistake.

Jeremy Roenick, often regarded as one of the best players of 12 years ago, spent most of the two games pioneering the new technique of skating around on his back. Sometimes his strategy of hurling himself as fast as he could into Bill Ranford and hoping that his splayed-out limbs would facilitate a cheap goal worked. Other times, he simply looked retarded.

After winning the first game 4-2, Chicago did manage to put together one legitimate goal in the second game on their way to a 4-1 victory. Goulet streaking down the right side, then slipping a pass past the defender for a beautiful Roenick one-timer into the upper-left of the net. Observers were confused as to how Chicago managed to click so well after about 25 minutes of imitating a game of Smear the Queer at the Illinois School for the Blind. However, replays showed that the coach who usually controls Roenick was stuck on goalie control and couldn't switch away from Belfour, and suddenly it allllllllll made sense.

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The Illinois Sschool for the Blind has put out some fantasic hockey players in the past 2 decades.

Too bad they gamble on hockey and cheat on their ladies with Wayne Gretzky's wife.

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