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Pittsburgh defeats Chicago 5-1 in Worst. Game. Ever.

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Archaeologists have concluded, after sifting through all available evidence, that Pittsburgh defeated Chicago 5-1 some time around October or November of 2006.

The first shard uncovered depicted a 2-0 lead for Pittsburgh.

The second shard showed another goal scored by Pittsburgh, and lots of Penguins and Blackhawks arguing about whether or not the Blackhawks were lying and cheating.

The third shard was, surprisingly (and this took several experts to confirm) a 1-0 Chicago tally.

The fourth, and presumably final, shard, which when assembled with the other three appears to resemble an entire crude NHL 94 game, mirrored the first with a 2-0 Pittsburgh score. The final scene on the completed piece also depicted an elder Blackhawk dragging a young Blackhawk away from the battle by the ear, but it does not appear to have affected the actual outcome.

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