GENS B: DET vs. VAN playoff recap GM 5, 6 & 7

[gesundheit39]

Detroit, Michigan - The series started to turn in Vancouver's favor upon returning to Canada. "Their defense went all Emeril on us and kicked it up a notch," noted Burr. Vancouver took a 2-0 lead but saw Lidstrom cut the lead to 2-1 to give the Red Wings hope of closing out the series in game 5. Vancouver scored with a few minutes left though to seal a 3-1 victory.

At that point a solid series went all haywire and Vancouver proceeded to win game six 6-1, and an anti-climactic game seven by score of 7-0.

"I'm telling you they put a hex spell on us, and this time ALL of their players were wearing an Amulet of Ambiguity," said an exasperated Cheveldae." "Would you give it a rest," snapped Burr, "I'm going to get you NHL94 for Sega Genesis and show you how to stop a fricking deke forehand score into the upper corner of your net!"

Nothing did seem to go right for the Wings as their offense, defense and goaltending all fell apart in the final two games. Lidstrom and Racine repeatedly were caught up ice, Yzerman, Ciccarelli and Sheppard missed net on 75% of their shots.

In addition Cheveldae seemed to have switched uniforms with McLean as he was letting in every goal under the sun (albeit many of them breakaway style goals) while McLean stopped everything in sight (albeit most of the shots that made it to him went straight into his chest protector).

"Did you see the way Lidstrom and Racine were constantly skating away from the puck?" questioned Burr. "A more viable theory than those dumb amulets, is that Jeremy Roenick was using voodoo on us."

"Yea, I saw him in the crowd," said Burr's sidekick Hiller. "He was too quiet, he had to have been up to something."

Vancouver even outchecked Detroit by a large margin in the final two games. "Our players looked like deer in headlights every time we tried to clear our zone and saw an oncoming Canuck player bearing down on us. That's why they never got rid of the puck in time. That's because Roenick was poking the voodoo doll eyes at the same time," noted Burr. "He was definitely making jabbing motions while in his seat," agreed Hiller.

"It's not enough that Roenick has to play like God when he's on the ice," said Burr. "Now he's playing God when other teams are too!"

In other news, the heartwrenching season caused Scotty Bowman to step down as head coach. "I can't take the up and down nature of this team anymore," remarked Bowman. "That and Fedorov constantly asking me to put in a good word for him with Anna made me realize it's time to move on."

As for the open coaching position, the team is taking a hard look at Shawn Burr to be a player-coach for next season. "I'd like the opportunity to lead this team to the success it is so very capable of," said a politic Burr. "Having fun is the key to our success. And with me at the helm, you just know that we would have the most fun ever."