Kings manage split despite Hrudey's massive incompetance

[awesomerino]

LOS ANGELES (Sept. 19) -- The atmosphere in the Kings' dressing room is mostly positive tonight, thanks to surprise 4-1 victory over the visiting Penguins that afforded LA a split of their recent two-game series against Mario & Friends. "To be honest, I'm kind of shocked that we won," admitted winger Luc Robitaille, "We've got such a profoundly terrible goaltender that usually we need to score, like, a million goals just to keep our heads above water." Coach Awesomerino J. Awesometon agreed with his player's assessment. "What you have to remember is, playing with Hrudey in net is almost like playing with Captain Pike from Star Trek. You know, the quadraplegic dude who's in that box-like wheelchair and can only communicate through a series of beeps? In fact, come to think of it, we'd kill to have that guy in nets for us. So this is a nice win."

Nearing the halfway point of the season, the Kings find themselves with a 3-6-0 record, mediocre enough for 3rd place in the D-League's Western Division. Captain Wayne Gretzky, the team's leading scorer, remains optimistic about his team's chances to make the post-season: "Do you have any blow?" asked the Great One, "Because I'm all out, and Daddy's got a monkey on his back. Don't hold out on me, man. I'll let you f*ck my wife. And my daughters. Whatever you want. Please. Just gimme some effin' yay-o!"

Can the Kings parlay their most recent victory into some kind of momentum? "Probably not," said goalie Kelly Hrudey. "It's not that the guys don't want it, it's just that I'm so insanely awful at what I do. But hey, anything's possible, I guess."