Devils Shock Flyers, End 1 1/2 Season-long Losing Streak

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NEWARK, NJ --- It's a riotous scene at the Prudential Center, as the Devils fans are finally given a reason to celebrate after New Jersey's 7-3 victory over the Philadelphia Flyers to end their GDL losing streak at 37 games. When the final horn sounded, the 16,080 fans in attendance rushed the ice, tearing down the goal nets and sirens. One fan was seen grabbing one of the goal sirens and running out of the arena.

Cam Neely came through for New Jersey at last, with 5 goals and an assist to bring his goal tally to 29. Zarley Zalapski chipped in with a goal and 3 assists. New Jersey was aided by 5 Flyers penalties, as the Flyers went in with the proper gameplan, to try and drop the Devils on their rears. "We wanted this one for two reasons. To cash a winner's check for once, and to shut coach Delgado up. Now we can play with some confidence" Cam Neely told reporters afterwards.

Unfortunately, in all the jubilation, 5 deaths were reported after the riot. Apparently, James Patrick got too celebratory, and threw his skates into the air repeatedly, with the blades hitting fans in the head, killing them instantly. Patrick is wanted for murder, and has reportedly fled the country.


Cam Neely's Five-Bagger Leads Devils to Historic Victory

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In other news...

Nationwide suicides were reported today after the Devils won their first game of the season. Upon investigation, betting slips that had the Devils going 0-56 were found. The moment New Jersey won was the moment these people committed suicide.

More at 11 :P

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