take_your_pill Posted April 13, 2007 Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 The Daily Planet written by: Clark Kent Trouble in Toronto It was around one o'clock in the morning in downtown Toronto. The nights' chill forced me inside a local tavern called The Drunk Shack. Inside I couldn't help but notice a familiar face sitting at the end of the bar. It was takeyourpill666, winner of the first draft league championship. His success in Philadelphia earned him a 93 million dollar contract to coach the Tornto Maple Leafs. "I had a great time in Philadelphia, but I had to leave because Tom Hanks and his aids just wouldn't leave me alone." Takeyourpill666, very intoxicated, continued to converse with me late into the night. " I know what you are thinking. 1-5-0? What kind of season opening record is that? Last season in the playoffs I exhausted everything I had. I gave it my all and I reached the top. Now, after feeling what is like on top of the mountain. I slipped and fell my ass all the way to the bottom." Takeyourpill666 ordered another 13 beers at once, downed all 13 in a matter of seconds and continued his drunken speech. "I don't blame my team. I worked hard to better my team after bombing in the draft. Gretzky was a piece of crap with a 2 mph slapshot, Hull hit the net 1 out of every 3,000 shots, and niuewendyk was a crybaby. I had to trade those stupid bastards. I have the team now that will be trouble for the rest of the league. I know I have the media all over me. They want the Stanley Cup back in Canada and I will do my best to do so." Takeyourpill666 and I finally left the bar and took his 50 million dollar, fully customized blimp back to his castle. "I haven't been very serious or competitive this season. My focus is elsewhere, but I want to promise my billions of fans that I will rise up and dominate once again. I plan on doing much for the city of Toronto. For starters, a new addition to the Maple Leafs Gardens is in the works. We are going to upgrade the old place and pimp the s**t out. Like freakin' waterslides and petting zoos. It's going to be unbelievable. A ice hockey game is not a real hockey game unless there is a fat kid falling down a waterslide." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
take_your_pill Posted April 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2007 *UPDATE* after bombing the opening of the season with a 1-5-0 record, the Toronto Maple Leafs no longer have a losing record. Winning six out of the past eight games the team stands with a 7-7-0 record Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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