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Posts posted by jrodimus

  1. Breaking news-

    A recent scientific study has indicated that NHL94 contains addictive properties similar to crack cocaine.

    Like crack, the user experiences a brief high(usually 10-15 minutes) followed by depression if a consecutive game is not played immediately. Test subjects experienced rapid heartbeat, anxiety and violent mood swings during games. Serious addicts will do anything to play, putting off work, school, food and loved ones in order to play NHL94. Users have been known to become violent upon having an empty AIM buddy list.

    This "recreational drug" can be dangerous, and should be studied further to prevent an epidemic.


    GIVE ME SOME NHL!!!!!!!

  2. CALGARY--In a most unlikely turn of events, Flames goalie Mike Vernon is enjoying a two-game shutout string.


    "I can't believe it myself," said the mediocre goaltender,"I'm really not that good."

    Flames coach Jrodimus was also pleasantly suprised at his teams' consecutive blankings of the Rangers and Blackhawks.

    "A Vernon shutout is about as rare as a Bigfoot sighting," quipped the embattled coach. "We hope he keeps it up."

    During the post-game interview, Chicago center Jeremy Roenick was asked about Vernon's performance.

    "I can't explain it, he's really not that good. We had our chances. Every time I'd look up and see that goofy-looking bastard staring back at me through the mask, I'd start giggling and lose the puck. It's really not fair. I think he should be forced to wear a mask under his mask. He's a real distraction out there."--AP

  3. JRod, I have the cure for this dreaded disease that is slowly taking over your freedom.

    It's called A JOB!

    This past weekend, I tried that "JOB" thing that you spoke so highly of...WHAT A CROCK OF SH!T!!!!!

    Once again I had to deal with "people" face to face (hundreds of them), and I've reached a conclusion: people are stupid, fat, ugly and they smell.


    We need a Mad Max style apocalypse stat....

    I promptly quit my job and returned to the sanctity of my comfy computer chair.

    Never make that mistake again :)

  4. C'mon, Burnsie, this game was before gary "buttman's" influence really started to f with the game.

    For example:

    "Let's send everybody home happy by giving both teams a point for just making it to OT!"

    "Let's discourage the goalies from handling the puck by restricting their zone!!"

    "We don't really need ESPN, right?"

    Or my personal favorite:

    "Fighting is bad, there's no place for it in the NHL."

    Glow puck, anyone?? :):angry:

  5. 9/23/07

    Calgary,Alb.- Flames coach Jrodimus made an unexpected, triumphant comeback tonight against the rapidly improving Maple Leafs.

    As reported on tsn.ca last week, Jrod wasn't expected to be cleared to play until early October.

    To his entire staff's suprise, the coach arrived at the Saddledome before tonight's scheduled game wearing a specially designed thumb brace.

    Said Jrod,"the brace limited my abilities as far as one-timers, but I had to come back. I couldn't stand to see my team drop any more in the standings."

    When questioned about the rumors circulating about the validity of his injury and a brief stint in rehab, the Flames' coach simply snickered and walked away from reporters.-AP

  6. damn dude where ya been? you didn't actually take my advice did you???????????????


    Spent the last few days in rehab-it was HELL!!!

    They made us do all kinds of horrible things like reading, hiking, and interacting with people face-to-face---I HATED IT!!!

    For the entire four days, all I could think of were one-timers, booming slap shots and checking MF's over the boards.

    I decided I couldn't take it anymore, and I escaped out the side door during our tour of the Liberace museum.

    I think I've come to terms with my addiction--it's a part of me, and I'm a part of it.

    The grip of NHL94 is just too strong

    see you on AIM


  7. 9/18/07-

    Jrodimus, the coach of the Calgary Flames(Gens C) has been placed on the IR list due to the following injury:

    RT thumb tendonitis

    This injury was sustained after repeated one timer attempts while playing arch rival Vancouver during their recent home-and-home series

    Team doctors have instructed Jrod to refrain from any type of repetitive hand motion until he is cleared to play

  8. Friends,

    Do you stay awake all night wondering if your team will drop in the standings?

    Do you constantly check your aim list hoping for a league game?

    Has your spouse/significant other threatened to leave you upon hearing the opening theme to nhl94 once more?

    Is NHL94online.com your new homepage?

    Are you finding it harder and harder to get anything done?

    Well now, there's help:

    call 1-800-NO-NHL94

    our NHL94 counselors are standing by, 24 hours a day to help you break your addiction


    "NHL94 is one hell of a drug!"

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