clockwise Posted April 1, 2009 Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 Quebec's Fan Depreciation Carnival couldn't come soon enough for fans as they lined the parking lot in French styled striped boating shirts and berets to exude their contempt for a team so sucky Oreck vacuum cleaners has filed a lawsuit against the team for copyright infringement. Kids drew chalk outlines of their favorite players they like to see face down on the ice in the asphalt as Pierre Turgeon collapsed into the dunk tank filled with piranhas. "Oh god the flesh, their eating it to the bone, it feels so good - sorta like it would if we ever win again". Chaos broke out among staff after a backfiring car was mistaken for a drive by shooting. Coaches and players dove for cover but fans stood proudly and waved their arms in hopes of sweet death. One fan with a bulls eye painted on his forehead responded to reporters in the aftermath: "I've eaten my last baguette , take me now lord! Pavel Bure was unable to attend the carnival for very long because he was shooting a Vodkaade power sports drink commercial. His only line in the commercial was: "Look at me, I go so fast.", as he roller skated in hot pants and chewed bubble gum. Rumors circulating around Rick Tocchet wagering bets against the team surfaced at the carnival after Tocchet began using hockey sticks made of 100 dollar bills several games ago. One reporter asked him to comment but he quickly blasted off in his gold plated jet pack. _______________________________________________________________ In other news the cash strapped franchise has been forced to sell all modes of transportation to keep the club afloat and will now travel to games in the trash compactor of a municipal garbage truck. The team has also sold naming rights for 1/2 a cent to Floyd's Compost and the stadium will now be named The Sh!tter. Coach Jesus was asked about his teams woes as he sat on a drum of explosives drinking turpentine and explained: "We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets heads are fall'n off!" Where exactly the next Nordiques game will take place is uncertain, but like feces, it will ultimately "take place". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebe_The_Legend Posted April 1, 2009 Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 (edited) I dont feel bad giving them up... LOL! What a bunch of bums! BURE YOU STINK!!!!!!!! Edited April 1, 2009 by Sebe_The_Legend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedWingDevil Posted April 1, 2009 Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 So, someone's gonna take over the team or what? Who wants to do it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wags13 Posted April 1, 2009 Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 I'll play a best of 3 series against you for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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