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DanK last won the day on February 16 2022

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About DanK

  • Birthday 03/30/1979

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  1. DanK's Edge of '94 Midwest - Modano Mo Problems Minneapolis Tourney Recap (as told by an utterly useless and untrustworthy narrator) Alright fellas so when @Edge of '94 Midwest initially asked me to share my thoughts and takeaways from the Modano Mo Problems live tournament in Minneapolis, my first reaction was, “Go play in traffic, you laryngitic-riddled shitstain!” BUTT…then I eventually sobered up and realized that I had actually written that down as a note to myself, so that I wouldn’t forget. Silly me. So here’s my review of the tourney: 1.) Sign-up/registration: Couldn’t have been easier. I mean, I (me, myself) of course found a way to make sure I fuct it up, but any non-smooth-brained ape could easily find their way through the 1 to 2 links to click on to sign up, pay AND book a f**king room at the host hotel (Moxy). I like that. Less thinky = MOAR drinky. Two thumbs and Two middle fingers UP! for that being so accommodating. 2.) Transportation: AJ touched on this but yeah man it was close to the airport. Luckily for me, my legal representation (@TecmoJon) was contractually obligated to scoop my dumbass once I touched ground. Unluckily, for Tecmo, [please refer to previous sentence]. 3.) Neighborhood: I forget what it was called but it was cool, very walkable and juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust the right amount of dingy for a “human” such as myself to get into a li’l bit of good old fashioned trouble. Found a couple dynamite restaurants not too far from the hotel that didn’t break the bank by any means, and also wandered around late on Saturday night, absolutely cocked out of my gourd, and I was able to make friends/they-didn’t-beat-my-ass with a few locals who showed me around to a few establishments that were serving the kind of poison I was after, without all the crowds that I was explicitly NOT looking for. Good schitt. 4.) Hotel: Nailed it. Rooms were priced to move and did exactly what they advertised. Namely, they provided me a place to piss, shower, talk to myself, eat an entire pizza whilst sitting in a chair AND to evacuate my bowels without making a whole scene about it. The hotel bar “closes” at 10:45pm, which is insanity, BUTT…I made nice with the overnight desk guy/bartender and he accepted cash to turn those beer machines back on. So that was nice. 5.) GAMES/Tournament setup: Clearly not their 1st rodeo. The playing stations were all set up in advance and open/available for pretty much whatever, whenever. Plenty of controllers on hand for us psychopaths that don’t waste perfectly good drug-mule’ing and/or toiletry space by packing our own f**king controllers on road trips. I was probably one of the last ones to finish my group games, but that was due to my own shortcomings rather than to any lack of available setups/stations. It was dynamite. 6.) Attendees: Where do I begin…..this was my first live tournament ever since I found the NHL’94 online community and it f**king delivered. I’ve been playing pretty much strictly SNES over the past 18-20 months or so, but I f**king leaped at the opportunity to participate in this tourney bc of how close it was to me (I’m in Chicago) and bc I wanted to put some faces with names. I know a lot of the big names on the gens side bc i like to hop into any community-wide livestreams and chirp with reckless abandon (I have issues), so I knew of guys like @Scribe99, @corbettkb and @DPS (who even humors me with severely-drunken exis from time to time), but I couldn’t pick any of them out of a lineup. Well let me just say that I can now, 100% guaranteed pick DPS out of a f**king lineup. Thank god I recently moved out of Chicago and fled to the burbs, that’s all I’m gonna say (just f**king with you buddy). But in addition to the gens headliners, it was f**king awesome to meet guys like Tony (rangers jersey), Darik (he kicked my stupid monkey ass), @segathon, @SammieSmith33(loudest human being I have ever met, in a good way!), RedArmy (I owe him some exis), @LeifErikson(he’s a f**king mensch!), @Nelson94 and Hank THEE Motherfuckin’ Tank. For me, the most enjoyable part about this beautiful game that is NHL’94 is sitting next to somebody that enjoys it as much as you do, playing like your life depends on it, but also talking as much stupid s**t and laughing as hard as you did when you were in your teens and playing against your friends in some musty shithole of a basement. I f**king LOVE this game, but I REALLY f**king love playing this game with cool motherfuckers who are just as dumb/stupid/funny/friendly/humble as I am. I talk a lot of s**t, sure, but it’s all in love. And from my experience, everyone in attendance was on that same level. Excellent group of people, and I’m damn glad I got to meet (and offend!) you all. Okay I feel as though this brain-dump/diarrhea-of-the-keyboard has gone on long enough. I would just like to say again a LARGE thank you to Troy and to Leif, as well as a large “I’m Sorry?” to Scribe and Corbett for them having been subjected to my color commentary, or whatever the hell that was I was doing on/around those damn microphones, while they were playing actual games that mattered, haha! Fill it up again, motherfuckers, fill it up again! DanK
  2. I just booked my flight/hotel. It's taking place in Duluth, yeah? Let's phucking DO THIS! DanK
  3. Never stop never-stopping!!!! Faaaaaaaaacking FEEEEEED us '94 on the Switch, EA, you worthless tittyfucking cockgobblins!
  4. @kidswastedFUUUUH. KING. EH! I fuct around w this ROM a li'l bit and it's a f**king marvel, boss! Nicely (F)ucking done buddy! And the touch-ups on the phucking sweaters/uniforms are absolute TITS, man. This is dynamite, thank you (and to all who helped you) for all your work on this one man; let's getting a FOOKIN' league going with this motherfucker sometime soon! DanK
  5. DanK

    NHL Jam '21

    Hey @seamorthis ROM looks/sounds f**king fun as s**t. Unfortunately (for me) I'm not really a gens player anymore and stick mostly to what i know, which these days is snes. So, uh, er, hmm, i guess my question is how many unique likes/subs/notifications do i need to round-up for your youtube channel in order to get you to f**k around and make a version of this for snes also? I'm only f**king around (for the most part), but just out of curiosity, do you mess around with snes ROMs ever also? Either way, nice work on this one. I'm looking forward to seeing it in action. DanK
  6. True and very well said, Mr. Kudelski (btw I absolutely LOVED your work when you were with Ottawa). And in my opinion the starkest example of what you just said is Dallas. Mike Modano, although he may have the teeth of a f**king horse, makes that team viable almost single-handedly. And then when you throw in the Russ "The Lesser Courtnall" Courtnall (h/t @TecmoJon), well then that collectively 67-rated bunch of fuckstains can make some goddamn noise. DanK
  7. I like to play CHI-DET and play as the Blackhawks because I'm a YUUUUUGE Blackhawks fan (esp when Roenick was 1st line at the motherfucking dot) but also because DeToilet always beats me in that matchup and I just fuuuuuucking hate myself. So it works! DanK
  8. Your missus sounds like she's..........not bad. Not bad at all. The f**king WHALE rules. And I won't hear anything to the contrary DanK
  9. Jesus tittyfucking christ, @illegalsmileIV:XX, between you and James Joyce you Irish sure are pithy with your storytelling yeah? Just f**king with you buddy. Based on your usage of the pound sign for money, i gather you're either in "naarthern eyerland" or in great britain, and based on your implied love of weed, booze and GoldenEye, once us f**king yanks are allowed to travel again i'm gonna have to stop by and challenge you to a weekend of "IS THAT ALL YA GOT?!?!?" where the first one to tap-out loses. Your story was f**king hilarious man, thank you for sharing. And i played australian rules football here in the states for about 13 years, so i am WELL aware of the word to which you are referring, but that which gets censored here on the boards. I believe it's spelled very similary to the word CUNTY but without the Y, yeah? Haha cheers buddy! DanK
  10. Prior to buying myself a Switch for my 40th bday in March of 2019 (hey man, it was on sale!) I hadn't kept up with ANY console gaming whatsoever since the great Genesis/SNES wars of the 90's. I was a diehard Genesis kid back then and I played the absolute f**k of EA hockey (OG, 93 & 94) and Madden. My dog eventually murdered my Genesis and then when I moved to Colorado for college in '97 I discovered other ways to "spend my time". I moved back to Chicago after college in like 2002 and my best friend since the age of 6 (he was an SNES combatant in the great console wars) got me playing '94 hockey on SNES. So i went on ebay and bought a system/NHL'94 cart and started playing whenever possible so that i could f**king shut his ass up. I grew up on Genesis version, but since i hadn't played in forever i had no problem just becoming an SNES guy now since my friend was so adamant about it. We played all the f**king time and we expanded our circle of guys who played consistently to the point where we eventually started having an annual St Paddy's Day NHL'94 tourney. It was a total booze-fueled shitshow, and the "winner" usually just ended up getting hazed the hardest since most everyone else was eliminated and started hitting the gas lol. But it was really f**king fun, and that's all that mattered. Well, then came marriage, and buying a condo (or "borrowing" a condo from the bank, whatever), and having kids and just general adulting-type s**t. I always thought to myself how awesome it would be to be able to play 94 online, but I'm too dense in re: computers, the internet and just in general to ever imagine that a place like this existed. But since finding this place earlier this year, I've been having more fun than ever before in my life playing this f**king game. Other than some very casual gaming on my Switch (and that's usually just when i'm on the shitter haha!), 94 is the only f**king game i play anymore. Meeting and playing against a wiiiiiiiiiiide of excellent motherfuckers who call this place home has opened my eyes to how much more there still is to this game. I got humbled immediately upon entering my first classic league here, but it was f**king fun as s**t! Now i know that i kinda suck at this game, and so i go into every game (even exi's) hoping to see something and/or learn something new that i can try to incorporate or at least come up with a counter for. This game truly is merit-based in terms of winners/loser. If you lose, barring some crazy f**king s**t happening, it's usually just your own damn fault and so you gotta wear it! I love that. It's instant feedback as to how good you are or how good you played during that game. As to your last point, THANK YOU for venting! Not until i read your post did i even think about much of the bullshit i just wrote up above. But I'm damn glad to be here with other like-minded idiots such as myself. And I'll f**king drink to that "It's been a long year", buddy! My only advice is to just keep mashing that Bodycheck button! (or speedburst/shoot button, whatever, i guess it does multiple things...) DanK
  11. Your comment f**king cracked me up man, as I served in the 1st console wars as well (on the Genesis side). EA is a very different company these days, but they do have like a side-project/indie arm that releases decent games still (Unravel 1 & 2 come to mind). EA's offerings on the Switch are a sick joke (FIFA 21 is just a f**king re-skin of FIFA's 2018-2020, as far as i've read), but they also love money, so it'd just be a matter of getting enough pre-hype or proven interest/demand. The best thing the Switch has going for it is that it's still selling like crazy, so there's a s**t-ton of systems out there and the install base just for the target demographic for NHL'94 has got to be pretty f**king significant. That being said, don't hold your breath lol DanK
  12. *Caveat: I'm a rookie here and I have never attended a live tourney/event of any kind, so take my opinion with the Kilimanjaro-sized grain of salt that it deserves, but here goes: Question #1 : I live in Chicago, so Minny is all good w/ me. I’ve been there a bunch over the past 10+ years and have gotten smashed there a bunch. Fun town, s**t tons of hotels/bars/restaurants, all good. Question #2 : Again, I’m in Chicago, so Green Bay is easy for me too. But, if you could have all the f**king packers fans leave town for the weekend, that would be greeeeaaaaaat (just kidding, but Go BEARSSSS). Agree with @kingraphthat Minny is way more fun tho. Question #3 : Yes it would affect things for sure. Saturday >>>>> Sunday (unless it’s a 3-day wknd, but that’s a whole other issue lol). Like raph said, jobs/kids need to go back to school, etc.on Mondays. Saturday is just so much easier to plan for and to get a hall pass from that woman who lives at my house. Question #4 : I pretty much only play SNES these days (I know, I know, here is where you all throw rotten tomatoes and cabbage at me, you holding-down-the-button-to-be-the-goalie-motherfuckers). If it were only GENS, then I’d still try to show up if only just to meet people and put faces w/ names (and to drink the f**king town dry), but SNES would seal it for me. Even just a SNES 2v2 tourney on Saturday evening, after the liquid courage/social lubricant has been flowing for a while, would be entertaining (my opinion). Question #5 : First off, @corbettkb's comment about never wanting to go back to DeToilet made me laugh (blow me, Red Wings) because, not including the MoTown catalogue of music/influences, that city is about as cool as a nuclear meltdown (no offense, of course). But after that, Chicago is obviously great from a "we have f**king everything you need here" standpoint, but it's a waaaaay better road trip destination than a fly-into destination. And that's coming from someone who lives here and who's basically a total homer about all things Chicago. The major airport is far from the city (it's more dealing with the f**king traffic than the distance from downtown that makes it annoying) and hotels are more expensive while offering less creature comforts (comparatively). But if you're not downtown than (or somewhat close to it) then what's the point? There's nothing cool about partying in Rosemont, Illinois (again, no offense). Question #6 : I have no real preference, but I'd lean towards Sept or April actually being better, because if I’m gonna travel in February then I wanna GTFO of Chicago and go somewhere nice and warm (can we hold this in New Orleans? Just kidding). Question #7 : I know this wasn't an explicitly asked question, @Edge of '94 Midwest, but let me just say that your picture of the kid-sized Blackhawks goalie mask on the adult-sized head f**king rules! COVID or not, I give you a 8/10 and I definitely WOULD bang! DanK
  13. #1: that "weird dude" with the plastic stairs has been my own personal "Property Brother" and I'll not have you besmirch that guy! He's inspired me to plastic all the stairs in my entire condo building (it's harder though, nowadays, to break into my neighbor's units undetected since everyone is working from home. Thanks for nothing, COVID!) and #5: honestly, @danTML7 f**king rules, as does most everybody around here. I'm just a rookie (and I'm one dumb cookie), but the amount of guys in this community who are willing to raise their hands to create new ROMS, start up side leagues, help fools like me get their s**t together for online play, etc. is really f**king awesome. There is (and has been) a crazy-strong foundation of solid f**king people here, and we're adding to it more and more everyday. So to echo dan's overall point, come get involved and get f**king weird with us! DanK
  14. You're a stud, @dangler, thanks for your work on this buddy! I'm looking forward to trying it out
  15. Heyyyyyy, so I hate to be "that guy" because it seems like you guys have a pretty cool thing going here, but I represent the acid-jazz-funk-black metal band "Heads in Asses" and I'm just letting you know that unless you take this post down (or change the name) then my firm will be forced to initiate legal proceedings for copyright infringement reasons. And trust me, I wanna be cool, I don't want to have to do that. But there can only be so many "Heads in Asses" in the world, sooooo Just kidding, i'm f**king pants-shitting drunk right now, I just really like the title of this post. Heads in Asses, indeed! DanK
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